I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
