Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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