I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Randomize
