Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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