Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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