I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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