You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
