i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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