well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I could make wine with my vomit
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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