the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You are a genius and a whore.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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