my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
