You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
