my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
