first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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