I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
