Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
