I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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