it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
