He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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