Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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