Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
