have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
