So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
