I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
