i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
