Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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