already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
