nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
