You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
