my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
