Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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