I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
