put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
