That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
