I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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