Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
