Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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