i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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