she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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