I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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