haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
