I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
