i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
