I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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