don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
