Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
