I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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