I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I puked a lego.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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