normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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