he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
too bad you live with your parents still
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
