I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
