We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
