My girlfriend figured out who you are.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
