its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
