what day is it and did you see me today?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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